The O-limp-ic dream finally hatched in the Bird’s Nest last night.


As I watched our 56 member strong tame team walk in a formation designed to resemble peak-hour traffic in any Indian metro—based on an intricate Pyhtagorean model—my desi heart swelled with snide. After all, we are the land where the zero was invented, the pivot on which the very essence of Math rests.


Understandably, Our Olimpic team’s motto remains: If you got it flaunt it.


The Pride of Zero that is.


Our quarterly feet feat of winning Zero medals is in keeping with our Olimpic motto: ‘Slower Lower Weaker’ Any Math teacher worth his weight in numbers will testify that these attributes are the essential ingredients to net the elusive zero.


To zero in on success.


The athletes’ parade was an eye opener par excellence. It was executed to go hand-in-glove with the theme of the stadium: Bird. Here’s a bird’s eye view of the Indian ensemble that wouldn’t look misplaced anywhere else except in the Olimpic athletes’ parade.



A closer look at the aforementioned formation reveals the ‘V’ flying pattern that most birds invariably adopt. For those in the big cities who don’t know what a ‘V’ formation is or better still what a bird is, here’s a visual reference.


An ever closer at the Indian baraatis, brings into focus this dude who obviously is an extreme case of The Krazy Kamera Syndrome (KKS). I wonder why the others around him aren’t as pleased as him. Is he filming Sonia Gandhi or what? Is the joy of a state-sponsored pogrom program sending him into rapturous attacks of say cheese? BTW, methinks the other athletes suffer from a milder form of KKS as well.



The sherwani-clad shers look like they lost their way en route to some desi shaadi in downtown Beijing. Or has Ektaa Kapoor gone international? In fact, the KKS dude had the cheek to wear sandals to a once-in-a-lifetime event. I wear better chappals to the loo yaar; I swear no kamera follows me there. But then, it might have escaped him that someone else might shoot him while he shoots others. The women fared no better. Some female athletes, the media reports, refused to wear the Sari. That probably explains the item in the tracksuit.


Now for the fun part. Let’s take potshots at other contingents that did everything imaginable to embarass their countrymen. Scroll up to the first image. Did you notice the team walking behind India? Their militaryesque walk is in stark contrast to the confident strides of freedom of our sportspersons.

Take a look at the all-white Greek contingent. Again a sharp departure from the ‘to-each-his-own’ attitude that our desh ke laals are flaunting on the Red Communists’ stage.

All said and done, the opening ceremony was a grand affair. The games will end in a few days. Everyone will tut tut at India’s dismal performance. The athletes will be back home with loads of Made in China mementos for their loved ones.

The Sun will rise.

The flowers will bloom.

The US will bomb some other oil-rich country.

The dream will remain that–a dream.

I have some suggestions for the Indian Olimpic Committee though, which will turn our fortunes at The Games.

Maybe help us realize *the* dream.


More on that later…

 

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