This is something that’s been on my mind for a long time now. I just read this on a blog today about a shy girl called Ruhi and it hit home for me. Now I’ve said this often enough on my blog and elsewhere – Poppin is a shy child. When we meet new people she sometimes hides her face between my legs. She takes a long time to warm up to other children. Although she loves much older kids almost instantly.

I guess in India where people love to chat up with your kid everywhere it’s a bit of a drawback being this way. It causes random aunties to ask me “Oh she’s not talking yet?“. My neighbour keeps telling me to drop Poppin off at her house so that she gets used to being with kids since I don’t have the “time” to just hang around and it both annoys me and worries me. I couldn’t just drop off my kid like that, when she’s not ready to be just dropped off. And yet I wonder if I am over protective about her which is creating this issue. The again why must she be “used” to being with kids? Like she’s antisocial or something !

Since when she’s with us, she’s adorable, mischevious and really talkative, it would irk me a little when mothers I meet casually would say “You’re really lucky, she’s really quiet !“. I would want to say “No she’s not ! You should see her at home“. Sometimes I even did. I hated sounding like that but sometimes I did. I hated sounding like I was defending her. Defending her from what exactly I don’t know. Since when did being quiet and gentle become a crime?

Now I’ve finally come to terms with her innate nature. I have a sensitive, gentle, shy child who is full of beautiful smiles. Who’s bewildered when ruder Annas (big boys = Anna) pinch her or push her or hit her without any provocation. Who just watches quietly when other children manhandle her toys. Who’s so scared of other kids even when they hug her or kiss her. Because then she starts rubbing her cheeks and sidling up to me as if to say ‘Why is he doing that? Why can he not just play with me from a distance?‘.

Where earlier I would despair when I take her out and see how she’s not participating in play, now I have learnt to appreciate it when she does. I know that she has a special attachment to children who are much older to her (including her 9 year old cousin and MY 11 year old cousin). She adores them, worships them and can live with them for hours without seeing me. I have learnt to appreciate that. Maybe its because they don’t hit her and she knows she can trust them and feel safe with them, I don’t know !

I refuse to put her down (or my parenting skills) by giving into society’s image of what a kid should be like. Heck as long as she’s not harming anyone, why should I intervene? And I know there are some kind of kids whom she gets along with instantly. Like MDM’s daughter (who’s always upto some mischief :) I think it’s the case of opposites attracting, they play famously together never mind how long it’s been since they saw each other last.

Maybe Poppin doesn’t need a hundred friends, all she needs is one friend. And she’s sure to find that one friend wherever she goes in life. I need to stop worrying about her. And continue to enjoy her. And more importantly be proud of her.

http://babiesanon.wordpress.com/2008/02/28/loving-the-child-you-have/